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June 05 Stone man in a cage and lots of magazines...
Luxemburgions (that’s what they call the people who come from Luxembourg, it’s true I Googled it to give this blog some cold hard facts to tell your friends) don’t half look at you funny when you’ve got pink hair. Coloured hair does not equal daylight robbery, I won’t mug you, in fact I’d get half way down the street and need to stop to catch my breath. I’d be a really bad mugger.
So my last day in this fair city, and as I said before I’ve gotta jam pack everything in today. Which means heading off at 10.00 to visit 4 exhibitions before shimmying back for a talk, a brew, going off to squeeze the last exhibition in, then to another talk, off to eat, then another presentation, then off to an opening somewhere out of the town centre, then hotel, brush me peggys, check me emails and then b-byes.
First up ‘Design Backstage’ showing off the design talent from Luxembourg. Held in the same place as last night’s opening party, hence very angry, grumbling French man trying to tidy up fag ends and switch on a DVD. Which I wasn’t too fussed about because it was in French. 
Tried to get in another, but this one was closed! 
Next up Sang Bleu. Proper excited by this exhibition, Sang Bleu’s a sooper dooper tattoo mag. Unlike your average tat mag, this one mixes art, tattoo design and culture, all black and white and all gorgeous looking – and if that doesn’t sell it to you I don’t know what will. I heard last night on the Colophon grape-vine that the exhibition had a real life tattooist offering real life tattoos. Wowsers. I was prepared to get something to mark my trip to Luxembourg (I went to Tenerife a few years ago and got a skull wearing a sombrero) – but the tattooist was to be there later, so no new permanent postcard for me- boo 
I rushed back to the casino, and realised hunger was overtaking wanting to sit down and listen to a talk on magazines, so I had a sandwich. A really nice one actually, pre packaged but nice. This blog is turning more into ‘what I have put in belly’ then Colophon. 
(free mags at the Casino, nr the Cafe, where they sold food)On the map (my adopted bible) there’s this illusive exhibition that’s marked number 7. It looks like it’s off the beaten track, and I had all of one hour to get there and back. It was recommended to me last night. The guys behind ‘Las Mas Bella’ don’t present their magazine in the most conventional way, it’s many things an apron, a wallet, a wine bottle, even a sandwich. Their exhibition was supposed to be like sooo amazing ya, you don’t wanna leave without like actually seeing it. Oh god and imagine the smiles when I get back to the office and everyone’s ones like ‘Oh my god Vic, your brilliant, I can’t believe you found this’. 
Someone should have had a quiet word with the dude who invented Luxembourg Town. Signposts for one, common sense in basic city layout is another. Just when I thought I was going down the right road I come to a big scary cliff, and turn the corner and find a big stone man is a cage, and then a massive hill. I thought I am not going back up that bleeding thing on the way back I’ll find a way round. 
Once at the bottom of the hill, it’s the cutest little area you ever did see, a rambling stream, a pub, cobbled streets, dead pretty like. The exhibition was in a gallery at the side of a huge church. 
Clearly signposted as ever I made my way up to the top floor, and....it was closed. I did a bit of the old sweary, stampy feet when no one was looking. 
Then had to take my unfit fat ass right back up the steepest hill you ever did see...check out the gradient maaaan. 
Many grumbles later.... April 14 Friday fun-times in Luxembourg I’d tried to plan my day today, and circle the people I want
to talk to. But things keep clashing and I really really want to get round
every single exhibition, 15 in-fact. In a city I don’t know. Adventure – time! Woo
hoo. First up ‘Karen Magazine’. This award winning magazine is a collection of incidences in which people that come into contact with it’s editor, Karen, take centre stage. It’s beautifully random, and each issue is packed full of pure Englishness. They’ve decorated the space with excerpts from the mag, and set-up one corner as someone’s front room complete with coffee table and a selection of shit magazines. My idea of heaven, and even more of a bonus as Closer was there too, my one and only guilty pleasure. Apart from Hanson, Take That, mushy peas and older Scottish men. They were lovely as well, Sara from Karen (magazine) offered me a brew straight away, almost slipped up and forgot I’d given caffeine up for Jesus. I also had a wee word with Karen herself and bagged myself a badge that said ‘Karen’ on it. I thought my friend Karen would like this.
Next up, Volume Magazine, an architecture mag from Germany.
Karen and Sara told me they couldn’t find this last night and kept walking in
circle, but they also told me their hotel had a free bar so you figure it out. I
found it, (my hotel had no bar, just vending machine), down someone’s drive
way! In England, we have garages and some decking and sometimes a clapped out
washing machine, in Luxembourg, they have galleries instead of sheds. Not too
much to report on this one, but they had a really nice graphic on the wall.
On my way down to Volume I passed the best playground, like
ever. Back up to the centre of town now and found IdN.
But it was closed (why did I not check the opening times?) They’re NOISE Australia media partners did you know... Then went to find the Baby Baby Baby magazine exhibition
(they’re from Mexico and uber cool). Their exhibition was in this rather nice
gallery’s shabby back garden, in a run-down out-house! Really beautiful views over
toy like houses though... It was whilst at this exhibition I tried to speak French to the grumpy invigilator and had to rescued by a Spanish woman, who I would keep bumping into for the next 2 days..
Next up was 2 exhibitions that seemed close on the map (and
they were in reality) but spent half hour looking for them with a really
confused look on my face. It was amazing to see how different each magazine had
represented themselves in a 3D space. Some had taken stuff right out of the mag
onto the walls, others had adapted their content to fit the space or taken
their concept and ethos and transferred it onto 4 walls and a few exhibited the
artist’s they’d featured in the mag, like French mag ‘NUKE’.
Whilst others had simply used their back issues to decorate
the room, like ‘Liebling’, who’d even gone as far as to wrap a kitchen in the
mag and some decks, which looked fantastic. And the free nibbles were Sushi! Not a quiche or curly sandwich in sight, I had my fill because I was still starvin’ and caught the final talk of the day ‘5 Golden Rules of Digital Magazine’. A very good idea to do a post free drinks and nibbles talk I think. Somewhere interesting to take the weight off your feet... After the talk I headed over to the cook kiosk across the
road which had been transformed into yet another exhibition by Finnish mag
‘Kasino A4’. Tonight was their opening night, complete with DJ, and only black
and white drinks being served! It was packed, I have no idea how they fitted all those people in there,
there was no way I could even get in for a drink. Until I bumped into Karen again from Karen Magazine who fetched me a strange looking yellow drink, which
turned out to be Advokat, you know what your nan makes snowballs with at
Christmas, well it was that in a shot glass. Who knew you could make something
so delicious out of eggs? April 09 Croissant MassacreFriday– first full day of the Colophon in the Luxembourg. I still can’t actually believe I’m in Luxembourg. I love that feeling when you wake up and you don’t know where you are. I once woke up on my mate’s bedroom floor, on floorboards and it was a room she was midway through decorating, so I thought I’d been kidnapped when I stirred. Apart from that one time, I love it. What I love more is that feeling of “ah I’m actually really here” mixed with “what the fook am I doing here?” it’s an excitable fear, like getting a tattoo or putting a knife in toaster to get your stuck bread out. If you could bottle it, I wouldn’t give it to kids. Anywho... Big day it was today, I’ve only got 2 days to conquer this do, and it’s a 3 day event... My first full day, and I enjoyed seeing Luxembourg in the
daylight, didn’t see much last night when I arrived it being night and all. It’s
bloody beautiful too, lots of old buildings, bridges, hills and stuff. Wow with
travel reviews like that I could easily give Judith Chalmers a run for her
money. I’m here to pick up some ideas, learn some new concepts, take lots of photos and meet some cool people who could lend a media-type hand to NOISE 2010. Mission set, and off I trot. The symposium is being held in ‘Casino Luxembourg’, which
wasn’t an actual casino much to my disappointment, I was half expecting
magazines and what not slotted between the..slots.. In here’s the main hub of
activity, hosting discussions, debates, artist exhibitions and massive showcase
of independent, diverse mags from across the globe.
I was still starving from the night before and devoured a croissant in the most un-lady like fashion. With bits of puff pastry and custard stuck to my face the guys opposite most probably likened me to a really starving rabid dog as I growled when they tried to start up conversation. I actually managed 10 minutes at the Casino before I had to go back to the hotel. I’d picked up so many free magazines I literally couldn’t walk. So back to the room, drop em off and back to the casino. By now the guys watching the croissant massacre may have forgotten all about it and perhaps I can start over with them.
March 21 Luxembourg???NOISE- Do you want to go to this magazine event to tell them about NOISE and stuff VIC- Where is it? NOISE- Luxembourg VIC- Right NOISE- Research how you can get there VIC- I’ll look into it - (5 minutes later) It’s this weekend, as in 2 days NOISE- I know. So that’s basically how I set off from Manchester at 11 this
morning, and now after 1 tube, 2 taxi’s and 3 trains I’m sat in a hotel room at
half 9 in the night devouring a packet of paprika crisps – yum. No shops are open and i've given up choclate for lent so it's that or eating my toothpaste. I’m here for Colophon 2009 – a biennial magazine symposium, that gathers the worlds leading indi mags and publications, with top pro’s in the print world, altogether in the quaint country of Luxembourg for a 3 day mag extravaganza. Combining talks, discussions and debates about what’s going down in mag town with exhibitions splattered across the city from publications across the world. So much to do and only 2 days to do it. Must sleep now, I could eat a scabby dog and sleep on a washing line
March 19 Cuur-rative FuturesI don’t think normal people would put on a two day national event in 2 days, but then again us lot @ NOISE aint normal. The event was a right blummin success, so it was - --Over 500 creatives attended (so many in fact we ran out these cool little passes, so they are indeed a rarity now --Over 150 artists has one to one portfolio review sessions with the likes of Badly Drawn Boy, Stella Vine and Zaha Hadid Architects – these were so darn popular that folk were doin’ impromptu sessions on beans bags, on the floor, in fact anywhere where they could squeeze in and bend the ear of a pro Me, I headed up the ‘Live Room’. A fine selection of NOISE Music Acts, open mix sessions and an urban mix presented by Bless Beats, and the whole lot compered by me. I’m still wondering why when some puts a mic in my hand it turns into a wedding disco with special guest DJ’s Smashy and Nicey.. “be straight back after this short break for the best new music, check it out, peace, be there or be square. Peace out...oh and I’ve a message from the staff, can the person who owns a red Mondeo registration A36DFR9DS03, you’re plates too big, and the other cars can’t get in.” Cringefest, I know I’m doing it, it’s like an out of body experience, but I just can’t help myself. In between the choons were creative debates, talks, and lectures with the likes of Manc, DJ, Illustrator and king of the brews, Mr Scruff, ex 1Xtra DJ’s the Heartless Crew and top indi mag, Ameilia’s Magazine. It was well fun in the Live Room, but even funnier was agreeing to speak at the VIP launch of the event alongside Bless Beats, NOISE Alumni Andy ‘2Hands’ Tunney and our Seb. Having agreed to do it all day before without really thinking about it, faint memories of the NOISE 2066 Wrap Party came flooding back (see about 100 blogs back- eek) But after having no food all day, and no time to prepare my speech, I had to compile and practice it in just 5minutes, in between ripping my tights, putting on some much needed slappage, a breast feeding mum and an inpatient German. I sorta knew where I was going with my speech. There was to be a quip about Jamie Oliver, but it didn’t make it past the boob and the European. After a swig of a glass of champers and a roast tatty from the buffet I was ready to go. Spud and sparkly ,all you need to do a speech in front of 100 VIP Guests and a camera crew, in one of Manchester’s oldest and grandest locations <gulp> better have another spud. I did my speech barefoot(because I
couldn’t get on the stage with my heels) and after watching the speech back on
video realised I cant pronounce ‘Creative’ and it comes out ‘Cuuuurative’ (dam
you, you stupid Yorkshire- Manc hybrid accent) and I keep doing over exaggerated
movements with my hands, like Elton’s wibbly brow over ‘Candle in the Wind’. After the formalities, it was show time. First up, NOISE Curator NOKI’s NHS Fashion Mash-up show with NOISE Fashion Designers. It was mentally brilliant, facepaint, dancers, skinny as they come beautiful models, wearing gorgeous clothes, shimmying down a makeshift catwalk of newspaper mastheads, to a soundtrack of the very best NOISE musicians; in a setting so grand it complimented the almost sinister edge of the show. Loved it. After fashion mash up madness, The Jessie Rose Trip did a few numbers (remember? The NOISE band that were not only chosen by Badly Drawn Boy – but also Bless Beats), and were then joined on the stage by Badly Drawn Boy. To be honest with you, I can say this here because no one actually reads my blog (in years to come it will actually become a cult classic, much like Dolly Parton and Joy Division – please Dolly, please cover ‘Love Will Tear Us Apart’.) I used to love Badly Drawn Boy (Still do). ‘The Hour of the Biwilderbeast’ changed my whole outlook on music: aged 15 sitting in the bath, thinking I was cool because I’d bought a Mercury Music Prize winning CD, when in fact, I realised it was utter brilliant. I once went to see BDB at a gig in Sheffield many moons ago and he played for 4 hours, purely because he kept mucking up the songs. I missed the end because I’d drank too much Bud by the 3rd hour, and had to be quietly ushered home whistling ‘One Around The Block’. And I still need to get my hands on a ‘taxi’ t-shirt.
Enough gushing from me, but at least I didn’t bite him when I met him, like I did Bungle from Rainbow when I was 5. We should all do that Creative
Futures thing again though, it was dead fun like.
January 24 MCC joins NOISE to the Festival dot comThere’s been some whisperings going on in the office of late. “Event”, “Manchester”, “Town Hall”, “Young Creatives”. You didn’t have to be a genius to work out to work out that there was some funny business going on... Late September we get the call. For these important phone calls I wish we’d get one of those old fashioned red phones with a light on it that shakes back to forth when it rings, like on the films. I’m going to pop it in the suggestion box when I leave today. So this was the plan: - An open and free event for new artists to get together, bring their work and have a chat to some top industry professionals, famous creative companies and NOISE Curators - An event where new artists can pick up tips to further their arty careers, and blag a Dream Job - We’d be chucking in some debates and lectures about getting your ass firmly in the creative industries - Adding a bit of live music - Perhaps throwing in a catwalk show - Oh and we’ll need a VIP launch for them important types, and them press people - And giving those NOISE Curator Choice artists a chance to flaunt their thing in a specially created NOISE Campsite - And a cool website where you can pre-register and book a one to one session with the pro of your dreams - So basically an event that you’d miss your nans birthday and sell your kidney(s) for. This was not going to be; actually I should underline this bit to give it some umph... We’re taking the virtual festival in doors my friend. It’s going to be like a Creative Glastonbury, minus the mud, tripping over guide ropes half cut and drinking flat cider... 4 weeks though? Eek... October 07 The Sims meets MySpace - geeks of the world uniteI’m a huge geek, I get very excited by website statistics, pez dispensers and photoshop. So a virtual NOISE exhibition slash launch on Second Life pushed all my geeky buttons and got me very giddy indeed. But to make all this work, I had to get to grips with SL. To move round this vast made-up wilderness you need to create an avatar. A 3D version of yourself, or who or what you want actually. An interesting statistic (told you I loved em) is that over half of avatars on SL are the opposite sex to what they are in Real Life (RL to you non geeks). You can have a huge identity crisis on Second Life, adopt the face of a wolf and give yourself wonky bosoms. SL is made of different islands. Hundreds of em. And it’s on these that users are invited to build and trade. Yes trade, you can even purchase things using SL currency. We made virtual friends with the guys behind the Oldham Island (all the North West towns are down with it, Preston, Liverpool, Leeds, Manchester). Who built us an exhibition space, complete with dancefloor and NOISE T-shirts. The launch on Friday 26th September 2008 was simultaneously screened on the BBC Big Screen in Liverpool. And as it needed someone there to actually control Second Life there in Liverpool I was sent up to Merseyside. We had a Badly Drawn Boy avatar built for us too by the wonderful people of Huddersfield University. I was a bit concerned who was controlling his avatar back at the office. ‘who’s actually controlling Badly Drawn Boy’ I said down the speaker phone. ‘ It actually Badly Drawn Boy’ the big geek inside me gets a little more giddy and falls off the top of the exhibition space in front a crowd gathered outside the big screen in Liverpool City Centre. And how was I supposed to know that if you took all your clothes off you were actually naked on Second Life. Not Barbie naked, nipples et all. It’s a good job you could only see the back of me on the Big Screen, because Badly Drawn Boy got a right eye full. This is the future and it’s avatar shaped. If it gets any closer to the Lawnmower man I’m logging off, but for now it’s a bit Patrick Moore on GamesMaster. It doesn’t look that real, but that doesn’t stop you from being able to visit a strip joint and find yourself a virtual avatar shaped lover. But at least you can keep it safe kids and not have a hangover in the morning. Second Life?The UK’s first virtual festival of new creative talent takes its virtual self to a completely whole different level. To mark that start of NOISE Festival 2008 we’ve hooked up with Oldham Council to bring you an exhibition of the best work that has been submitted to NOISE over the last 7 months showcased exclusively in Oldham….on Second Life. But what I hear you cry is ‘Second Life’? And how can I get to the exhibition? Second Life is a 3D virtual world on the internet. Just when you thought poking your mate on Facebook was the height of social networking technology, Second Life comes at you with its futuristic take on life. Here you can build an ideal life for your virtual alter-ego, complete with dancing, swimming and flying. Amongst other things you can... It’s the Sims meets MySpace where geeks of the world unite. Huge national companies are starting to take note now and jump on the virtual bandwagon. Second Life (or SL as us users know it) has become a popular platform for companies to market their products. From huge corporates creating islands to hold global conferences to sportswear companies giving away a pair of virtual trainers to raise awareness in real-life. Brit comedian Jimmy Carr recently did a stand up gig on there, and hip hop superstar Jay held a virtual gig. Whether Jimmy got pelted with virtual rotten tomatoes is still yet to be confirmed. It’s also very handy in terms of accessibility, anyone can sign up, it’s free, and absolutely anyone can get to the NOISE exhibition with out having to leave their front door! So, you’d think the logistics of organising a virtual launch would prove easier than a physical do. You’d think eh? Read on to find out why it proved an exciting new challenge to the NOISE Team, and how I ended up streaking across Oldham with no top on… September 28 Dream Job? When I was little I wanted to be a dinosaur hunter. Then at about 12 an archaeologist (dad was proud), after I started listening to Sheffield’s very own Hallam Fm after school, radio presenter, and that sort of set in stone after that. Although I got a A* in wood work and RE I didn’t think the world was ready yet for another carpenter messiah. I went off to college and did media production painstakingly editing footage in Vhs, then decided i didn’t want to the uni thing for a wee while and had a year out, and saved some moolah whilst workin’ under the golden arches answering to Ronald every morning. To tell you the truth his orange wig was a bit distracting and his makeup wasn’t always that pristine, wonky wig, smudged smile...you do the math. :/ Five years ago I landed in Salford where i topped up my national Diploma to HND, I didn't want to stay for another year to do a degree. I'd sorta decided that when i was 16. Choose a course that has no exams, hands on, and something i knew id enjoy. Now to that Dream Job, after pissing around in a bar for a year after finishing uni and squeezing in work experience placements here and there I applied for an intern placement at NOISE, and here I am now, still working hard and loving every minute. But how do you get that illusive Dream Job? For one thing, unless your dads an eco -warrior campaigning to feed the world your Dream Job is unlikely to land at your feet. Creative industries can be illusive, and that ‘lucrative’ career in whatever medium you specialise in can be a difficult one secure. First and foremost you must have a passion to succeed, like a little burning fire inside of you that feeds your ambition and drive. Without that, and a half arsed attitude you may as well give up. Then you must approach those little clichés head on. Such as 'it's not what you know but who you know' and 'you need to get work experience'. Without sounding like a battered old record 'tis true. Pestering can work, not to the verge of bagging yourself a restraining order, but a generic CV to a bunch of companies may not get you that placement. Get on the blower and find the right person to speak to who looks after new employees. By all means send your CV via email but give em a ring a week later see what the progress is. Be nice as well, it may sound obvious, but first impressions do count.. When you've got your placement. Be reliable. If this placement is going to put you in good stead for your future, don't no show, or at worst no show and tell your employee half way through the day. It's probably true that your company gave you a placement for a reason, perhaps they needed an extra hand with a new campaign, if you leave them in the shit it's likely they a) wont recommend you to other companies b) keep your unreliable ass on for very long. Does education really matter? Sure I learnt they theory behind media at uni and polished a few rusty post production skills. But at the same time I taught myself photoshop and learnt more about printing techniques, working to deadlines during on the job learning. Creative industries almost turn the old theory that 'if you have a degree you get a better job' on it's head. Or does it? Can a MA in script writing make you the next storyline writer for Hollyoaks? But what would you do for your Dream Job, and is all this hard work really worth it? Chasing your dream can seem like one hard slug after the other. But Talent + Determination can acquire you a job that you dreamed about when you were 10, recording your own radio shows with a Fisher Price cassette player with your next door neighbour. What's your Dream Job? Do you feel like you've hit a brick wall and searched every avenue to get your foot in the door? We want to hear from you! Tell us about your search for a Dream Job. Perhaps you can offer a few Bella style tips to others, detail your adventures or horror stories. Let's shed some light on those Dream Jobs people keep banging on about... September 09 Degree Show Tour -the reunion 2008 A few years ago I visited over 25 degree shows in this fair land, to as far as the eye can see, on my trusty Virgin Pendalino. With only a hotel room kettle and packet of Ainsley Harriot cous cous to my disposal (see blogs circa June 2006 for more of the trials and tribulations) I managed to get to grips with end of year shows from St Martins to UCLAN. All this chugging around was to tell students up and down the country how they could get their work seen beyond their degree show. Some proper gems were found through this,who found lots of great success through their involvement with NOISE 2006; Jenny Walters, Peter Savilles Curator Choice from Uclan; Chris Dent, Insect Curator Choice illustartion extaordinaire from Camberwell; Emma Heron, spotted at Wimbledon, who's work was featured at Banksey's famous Santas Ghetto and bought for a pricey sum; Carly Dodsly who's ceramics we picked up at New Designers, which baggd her a Dream Job at Wayne Hemingway's company 'Hemingway Design'..but to name just a tiny tiny few..... This year's Degree Shows have been stunning, so for all those who received an email in your box saying we'd seen your work - we probably had and loved it. Get your work onto to NOISE now! For your chance to be recognised, renowned and loved.. well we cant promise the latter but the other two are pretty good.  Art Awards for a Gypsy Fair... Back in 2005 NOISE began work on the Gypsy Fair project, hooking up and working closley with Leeds Gypsy and Traveller Exchange (G.A.T.E), to teach a fab bunch of young Travellers the skills they needed to document their fantastically rich culture & heritage. In 2006 Vic joined the case, and set out to create a documentary that would help explain the Gypsy & Traveller way of life as seen by the next generation, the predjudice and misunderstanding they often face, and how the world of Travelling is a far cry away from the wagon rolling, campfire life of their elders. The film was to be produced to act as a long standing resource and educational tool for other people perhaps not from the Traveller community what it is to be a Gypsy. The film centered its self around the historic Appleby Fair, that takes places for one week in early June, oop in them there hills. Surrounded by history, contraversy and steeped in tradition, the fair is the main place for young Gypsy and Travellers to get together for one week a year, share news, catch up and even find themselves 'the one'. The crew of 7 young people learnt a wide range of production skills from interview techniques, camera operatin and boom boom shake the room operation. They even took a look at storyboarding, pitching ideas, shot ideas and getting their heads round Final Cut Pro. The took to the roadp travelling up to Liverpool Uni to visit the Gypsy Lore Society, to find out more about their extended families; making an early trip up to Appleby out of fair time in the wintery month of February to gage the respose of locals whose lives and businesses are afftected by the fair, whether good or bad; and filming in thier own homes, be it a bungalow, trailer or chalet. It was a chance for the group not only to learn first hand how other people perceive their way of life, but to get a real feel of how a moving image production is made. It's not all glam, lights, camera, action- it's bloody hard work. At the same time as all this was going on NOISE incorporated the Arts Award into the project. The Arts Award is a new scheme set up to give young people the chance to develop their understanding of the arts through a recognised accreditation. Almost a year after the premiere of the film 4 members of the group were awarded a Bronze Arts Award for all their hard work and dedication.Well done!! If you read a few hundred blogs back, i think i deserved some sort of award as well. August 20 Downing Street Fun and Launch Happenings...**ring ring** **ring ring** The earthquake!! My bed moved, i thought it was the burglars coming back again, but realised they must have been really strong to make the whole house shake, and it was only scallies in the first place any way and they're all skin and bones from their daily diet of White Lightening White Lightening? Remember that time when i was 13 and you found me in the front garden asleep? What do you mean it's half 2 in the morning, your working nights, what does it matter to you? Your right, dad probably slept through it. He wouldn’t have woke up unless it had brought a crate of Carling with it and a Sheffield United FA Cup final. It would have probably been the best earthquake in the world. Sorry i didn't call you earlier, I've had the most amazing day, and i was so tired, i was dead grumpy on the train as well, so stuffed my face with the left over nibbles from the launch. It all went really well considering the hecticness of it all, and you know how scared i get at these big do's. I wouldn't have pooped me pants if i wasn't so busy! Well, i got the train with North West NOISE 2006 artists early doors, there was Jessica, you know the lass who won the 'My Life in the News' project last year and got to spend a day at BBC News and met the world service team; there was Andy '2Hands' Tunney, he got a Dream Job through NOISE as an in house illustrator for Time Out Manchester, and Hui Ling, she was one of Wayne Hemingways faves and she even got to spend a few week working with him at his company. When we got there we taxi'd it to our first location where we met up with the rest of the artists for the photoshoot we were doing all day before the big do later that night. It was dead fun. The idea was to get the artists 'protesting' in the name of their art. You know all those placards i told you about last night when i was having a bit of trouble with the velcro? So, each artist would be holding their artwork up printed on the placard, and when they stood next to each other it spelt out NOISEfestival.com. genius. We did mini protests in Trafalgar Square and Parliament Square. It was like something off the TV, and the security were on us like a shot, but we had bits of paper to say we had permission. I bet they thought they had a reyt sting but we were like 'sorry govn'r all le-git here mate'. I've told you before how when you're on a shoot, things always take 3 times as long as you planned. You wouldn't Adam and Eve it, sorry i picked up a bit of rhyming slag while i was down there, how long it takes to do one interview. Your episode of Eastenders tonight mam, would have taken at least a day to film, it's not all done in that order you know. You'll never guess what happened mum, I bought a well nice dress, and it wasn't even from Primark, and i ripped my tights, so I flashed a whole lotta leg at Downing Street! No i didn't look common mum, I looked hot, I think I saw Gordons curtains twitch.  It was the most surreal thing, I flashed my passport at the gate. Remember when we went and you were telling me that you used to be able to walk down the actual street. It's all change now. 2 huge gates, police with proper guns, and then you go though a metal detector you get in an airport and your free to go! I thought you'd have to get chaperoned down, but you can walk freely down. I thought id trip over, but i shimmyed down Downing Street, and it's not as big as you think. and there was no policeman on either doors, and Gordons door was open! He'd probably left the cat out or burnt the tea. I know you were expecting a call from inside but they were so strict about mobile phones, you had to declare them as you went in, i got a little told off for using mine. It’s everything you probably imagined, but not very homely. I know you told me to behave but I couldn’t resist a glass of red, then a glass of water, then another glass of white. I was proper pooping me pants mum. I had the job of showing everyone the best of NOISE on my clamshell. Oh sorry that's the technical term we use for the portable DVD player.  I boom boom worked the room. It's a royal shame i take after you in some ways. Ok ok I know i will wish i look as good as you when I'm 50 but I’m a bugger for remembering names and faces. I chatted to one woman for ages about the cool ways of NOISE and it turns out she was a waitress. Do you know what? I think everyone was a little bit buzzing after the do. who else gets to say they spent the evenin in a place you only see on the telly? Afters i had to put me jeans back on, and Mr Darlings secretary let me change in the meeting room. I changed me pants where they make all the decisions!!! I dint nick owt mum no, it got all a bit big brother for me when i was having a wee. Tired now mum. It hasn't all sunk in yet, but it'll be great day at the office tomorrow. ooo ooo mum before you go, I'll email you a photo tomorrow…email...y’know on the internet....oh forget it, it's in the post. July 20 Bleeds areas, the high res debate n late nights… Printing stuff is hard. And I don’t like making decisions that could end up in me working back at McDonalds banished from the creative industries for an eternity, and always be known as the girl sent 40,000 posters to print with the 3 typos - I just couldn’t live with myself. I demand I’m not put under this pressure again, it hurts my chest, I can’t sleep until the flyers and posters arrive and I just keep taking it out on the ones I love the most. To bridge the gap between designer and Mr Poster//Flyer printer there’s me. Usually the job of an in house graphic/print dude, but we have no such luxury. Anyways regardless of what I’ve said above, (and I don’t usually go back on my word) it’s sorta nice to know that your handy work’s going to be seen by thousands, even millions. On the other hand, that’s a very scary thought… Elliot’s busying himself designing the posters, and badges back down Souf. Which is proving a tad difficult because you have to keep bouncing emails back and forth to make minor changes, and we were on a very, very tight deadline to get these bad boys, designed, signed off and printed before the launch. Which leaves me to design the stickers and flyers, ok delegation to Jess on the flyers. The badges were coming back looking ace, but not quite there yet. There was a wicked one that said ‘I heart NF’, but we figured it looked a bit like we loved something else (use yet noggin on that one). And at the brink of a launch at Downing Street we weren’t too prepared to get into that sort of tangle.. Two more things that needed on this rollercoaster marketing material mission were designing were 2 massive boards for the windows in 11 Downing Street; and some placards. Your not allowed to stick posters on the walls in Downing Street, in case you rip off 100 year old, Indian restaurant style, flock wall paper off the walls. Solution? Prop huge boards up against the windows. And how does one measure the said windows for such boards? Simply take a photo of oneself on a visit to 11 Downing Street with your arms outstretched and get some one to measure you, and do some complicated maths upon your return. As if I wasn’t pooping my pants about the new host of printers we’d got on board to do our marketing business, if we get to Downing Street with these two huge expensive boards and they don’t fit….I’m going to run away, I’ll just give my NOISE uniform back , bow my head and live in Mexico…I’ve mentally prepared myself for something going woopsie. Not to mention pissing off a printers in Trafford by making him come into work on his day off to print some placards. Placards…did I not mention this? Each NOISE artist who’s accompanying us to Downing Street will get a placard depicting their artwork and an initial, so when they join forces for a photo it spells out ‘ NOISE Fesival.com’ - cunning, no? Come the eve of launch, I’m sat in the NOISE office at 11pm velcroing placards to wooden poles after meeting the printer in Yates bar to exchange a hefty cardboard box for a cheque…I thought it looked dodgy…but which drug dealer nowadays carts cardboard boxes of marijuana around in exchange for a cheque….it’s all chip and pin these days…. July 14 make-shift Ronald- photoshoot funFrom the moment we sat our festively round derrieres back at
our desks after Christmas, it was all systems go getting this budda bad boy
organised. They had to be designed first… Denise had seen this wicked designer last year at one of the end of year shows that we frequent annually. His name’s Elliot Rooney and he likes skulls- and if you know me I’m one for a bit of skulls. Extra Crossbones the better. So we got Elliot up to Manchester, and contacted a nice dude called Danny who Denise met on the train once. He’s a part time model and rock star from down Sowf. Also on the guest list for NOISE 2008 photoshoot fun was Jess Holt, NOISE intern and graphic design graduate. Jess would be shooting the er..shoot. Her first photoshoot since leaving uni so the pressure was on for Jess to remember what to do with the lights and gels and her brand spanking new camera. I was on hand to do a bit of costume fitting and Make-up, yes make-up…brilliant. That is my handy work the eyeliner you see on the poster. The idea behind this year’s marketing campaign is to portray the creative side of a new artist along with their run of the mill not so creative side. The side that helps fund the creative side. It’s also saying that NOISE will help you show off your creative side etc…a cheeky nod to the Mc Job and the 9 to 5s. To get the costumes for the shoot we went on a rather fun shopping trip to a place where restaurants, catering places, shops etc get their uniforms from. There were some pretty horrific things in that shop. The sort of trousers you have to fasten under your boobs, blouses that if they got a whiff of heat would spontaneously combust and some spectacular tabards. Practical clothing but cruel if you ask me. And I should know, after 5 years service under the scary fast food clown, you can and will not look attractive whilst flipping burgers and making chips. May 25 Gordon you've left your door open...As i shimmyed down Downing Street I noticed Gordons front door was open, i was gonna pop in and tell him to be careful you don't know who's about these days, the areas gone a bit down the pan of late. But figured he's be alright because at the other end of the street there's 2 sets of iron gates, with two heavily armed guards, a metal detector, and an x-ray machine even before you get to the 'beware of the dog' and the 'no cold callers' signs. Bet he never gets anyone trying to sell him dishcloths and picking up his old fridge. After bribing a few people in the know, a sneeky back hander here and there, and getting my baps out to Mr Prescot, the official NOISE 2008 was at 11 Downing Street. But before i tell you all the juicy details of our big day in the Capital city, and explain the journey there- (not the Virgin down to Euston, but actually all the work that went into 3 hours of hob-nobbing parlimentary fun) May 09 Times are a changin’So that was that and this is now. NOISE 2006, firmly wrapped up, 2008 on the horizon. It’s exciting, it’s me, Rosie, Neil and Denise starting the whole rock n roll rollercoaster again. Foundations have been made (the long-standing little nuggets here and there, that’ll ensure 2008 goes off with a b,b,b,BANG!) My NOISE 2006 Blog will be a
little footnote* in the history making bonanza that was NOISEfestival.com’s
very first showcase for young creative talent making sure that new artists, whoever
you are, wherever you are, get the chance to have your work seen, heard, respected
and renowned.** I’m, dam proud to have been a part of it, and I hope you have enjoyed the journey along the way. Let’s draw one of those
squiggly lines under 2006/2007, a caption that say’s “to be continued” and turn
the page for Chapter 2, ‘NOISE 2008’ *foot·note [foot-noht] Team NOISEOne day in October 2007, me and Rosie had our weekly look through some of the things people had been sending through after our call out for a new web dude. This one Leeds based chap caught our eye. The words ‘Joomla’ sprang out the page. Life at NOISE generally revolves around a few things, namely the Outlook Calender and Joomla. J- to the – A is this big bad website development program that looks quite scary on the surface but can work wonders when you mix it with a bit of Dreamweaver, PHP, HTML, components, modules etc. It makes websites look and act pretty smashing thank you very much, but it can be a right pain in pain in the arse sometimes- me and Rosie have been known to get Joomla rage Anyway enough of ol’ geeky me. I could go on for hours about the delights of the in-built Sonic on the Sega Master System, the marvels of BitLord, and how not to try and turn your laptop into a makeshift sound system and blow the speakers…and then in one big swoop Victoria Turnbull, was now so uncool she was the new black. So, Neil came along one day for a chat, and then he came back the next day, and then he sorta stayed. We have a male in the office at long last to counter balance talks of shopping, shoes and smelly boys. He’s gotta a cool taste in music and is a big geek like me. Neil is busy re-designing the new NOISE 2008 website, mashing up ideas, codes and programming. From the looks of things it’s gonna be a right little corker! April 20 Broken English and a plate of meat...As ever a random life I have. Last year I woke up on my birthday in Mauldeth Road park at 11 in the morning surrounded by school children, with a few friends near by. This year I bring in my birthday stood on a stage in the middle of Naples, in front of 500 people getting hugged by a range of Italians. Then in a square outside a bar an Italian Blues Brothers tribute band sang to me surrounded by about 60 Friday night revellers drinking mojitos and basking in the warm medditaranian night. NOISE is looking to hook up with European Festivals across the continent to swap and exchange ideas, art and creativity for the next NOISE in 2008. Rosie went off to France in May, and I trekked off the Barcelona and now Naples. I was invited to be a judge as part of a new music festival in Naples. The panel of judges included, a TV presenter, music producer and journalist, a music promoter, another music writer and a nobhead from Manchester. I can't even speak Italian so most of the time I was pretty quiet, nodding and taking advantage of the nibbles. It's been magical - if not slighlty nerve wracking. As you probably could have guessed from my last post in Barcelona i poop myself on planes. And here i am taking 3 planes in one day. I may have taken too much night-nurse and nitol because i could see shapes in the clouds, and one of the most bizzare things was walking around Rome airport and thinking that everyone was talking Mancunian when infact they were all talking Italian. To say I'd taken too many in my nervous state was a bit of an understatement. By the time i got to Naples i was ravenous. I have never spoke Italian in my life and started to jot down things i NEEDED to say..all in the back of my notepad- and tryed to memorize it on the planes- and forgot it all. I was picked up from the airport by a dude who didn't speak much English- and was put up in a lovely little hotel where i banged the laptop on and found some tunes i didn't know was there. The Festival took over a square in a cool part of town, there were empty shop fronts covered in graffiti that had been overtaken my cool kids wearing ripped jeans and riding mo-peds. The stage was surrounded by historical beautiful buildings, a stark contrast to the rocking choons that were coming out of the youngsters who performed. One band wore Marx-esq fake noses and glasses, and donned Doctors whites to play Vandals style fast paced punk. I thought they were ace- even though i dodnt understand what they were singing about. Me and this other judge loved em, but i later learnt that they were close to be disqualified, because apparantly loud rants about the Mafia doesn't go down to well in broad daylight in the middle of Naples. Many of the bands were not my cup of tea, but nevertheless by all means great. The over all winner was my favourite- a new wave ska flavoured, male fronted band - who gave me a copy of thier album as a bday present as they left the stage. I was only there for 2 days so I thought I'd cram in all the Italian classics, I had e pizza, e pasta, e ice cream and a plate of pork (the language barrier got the better of me) I also had a ride on the back of a motorbike, with no helmet. I read that Naples 'was the most violent and dangerous cities in Italy' , it maybe, but I've never been met with so much friendliness and lovliness. And the 2 kiss thing I was well getting to the swing of things and lunging for everybody. Then there was the flights. I missed my connection to Manchester so I spent most of birthday in Paris airport, awkwardly asleep on a plastic chair. I thought I was going to spend all night there so i put on me 'Birthday Girl' badge, bought a muffin and bottle of wine and sang 'Happy Birthday' to myself. The plane back was made better by a woman sat next to me who was more terrified than me. 7 Planes, in 2 weeks, my carbon footprint is blummin massive. I do hate all these traveller types who go on about 'god, I had the most amzing time in India where i stood on top of a mountain with a naked hippy and really found who I was about, and what life really means, while the hippy stuck a smoking stick up my arse'. But I did have a randomly great time. The home of pizzaThis made me laugh. Ok I laughed then I got a tiny bit scared. Click Giovani Suoni Then 'Enter', then 'Giuria' on the top navigation bar. 'Giuria' incidently means 'judge' in Italian. Scroll down the romantic Italian names and you'l me self at the bottom. On Thursday and Friday night I'll be on the judging panel at a new music festival in Naples, Italy. Bloody hell April 12 cheese sandwiches and Spanish Old PeopleThe cuisine of Spain is famed for its tapas, seafood, fesh veg and lush fruit, and in the past two days all I have managed to eat is two cheese sandwiches. and beer cus, at the end of the day everyone knows what 'beer' is in any language and i have got a case of the terrible vegetarian language barrier. My Spanish has got me far these past few days...'pardon' when I bump into someone. 'rethebo' when I need a receipt, and my old favourite 'Ola!' , you can't go wrong with the odd hello. I even sent a lady to the 5th floor of my apartment block by pointing at the buttons and asking 'cinco?' She may not have been going there... I love Spain because it's full of brown wrinkly old men who always need to sit down. Even on the big massive street in Barcelona, where there are those silver painted mime artists who think they're robots, they have special old men seats. Not even next to each other, but randomly scattered. So walking down the street you can bet ur ass every 10 yards you'll find an old man asleep. I managed to catch a very odd installation slash show today. I even had to sign a release form before i went in, and there were paramedics waiting outside. I'm not one for installations, to be honest I can take me or leave em. It started with 60 or so of us watching an odd projection of what looked like the dancing a baby from Ally Mcbeal, then a whole lorra smoke filled the room, mixed with strobe lights, then pulsating coloured lights. You know when you poke urself in the eye (if your as stupid to) and you get those strange little red greeny splashes in your eyes, well that was what it was like, but not just straight ahead but to the side of you and mixed with the smoke and sub bass surround sound - i thought i was going to punch the girl beside me. Well done you crazy artist you, that's not art, it's messin with me vision you wierdo. Sonar is split up into about 5 different areas. You have your main stage – an outdoor affair in the middle of a huge courtyard; two other stages in some other rooms; a record and industry fair, with stalls advertising new music initiatives, magazines, labels and fashion thangs; then a new media section- where the latest technology has a chance to strut their stuff. The theme of this year’s Sonar Tech was magic, and a bunch of innovators and tech supreemos had created installations in them of all things illusion – and as the blurb said, the internet and advances in social media is like a big illusion, you see the end product but non of the workings that give the end result. There were displays of interactive shadow puppetry, touchy feely forks and knifes (you had to be there) and a big silver floaty balloon. Every half an hour there was a live show. So’s not be rude I sat myself down to take a gander. Well…I wasn’t expecting a guy to take a knife to his arm and cut a huge gash into his skin. There was a also a dude who sat at a desk and hovered his finger over a white sheet of plain paper, deep in thought as if pondering what next to right. As if by magic words appeared on the paper under his fingertips, without a pen or wires under the table to be seen. Paul Daniels..eat yer fooking heart out. Moving on from the weird… I had a meeting with a dude from Switzerland who runs out-source programming for a range of European radio stations - one that I’d set up whilst in Manchester- which was bizarre. In fact this trip has been uber liberating for me. I never thought in a million years I’d have the guts to go somewhere on a plane on my own. Never mind traveling on a tube or talking to random irish people who own a dance label. I’m proud of myself, and you can bugger your trips to Thailand, and traveling the world with only a backpack- this once shy girl who cries when a plane sets off has only gone and bloody done it. But I keep getting the heebeejeebees every time I go back to the apartment cus a guy that rents a room there is dead quiet and apparently he’s away for a while, but you can’t be too sure can you? My flight was not until late this afternoon- so i spent the rest of the day wondering the streets of the city and strolling about 2 miles up the beach trying to find a bar Denise was telling me about. I didn't find it, but had a little sunbathe on my own next to a man who had a really hot bike with a skull and cross bones spoke. I can't wait to tell everyone about my adventure..and how we can figure something Sonar-like into NOISE 2008. ooooo, ooooo, but lets come back again one day, as us, not just me |
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